Dreaming of Butterflies

While sleeping, our minds create images - illusions may I say. We were made to believe that we are in the world our mind has created us. We were bound in a movie, a show, our mind has created, but do they mean anything? Do dreams really portray or tell us something? Do they tell future events? The purpose of dreams are really ambiguous. However, dreams can be interpreted. But what does mine tell me? I don't know, but here's how my dream went.

I was walking with this guy, i barely remember how he looks like, how he stood, if he was my height or if he was taller, all i know that his skin was kind of pale. We were walking in a grassy plain when suddenly i found a bunch of flowers - as far as i could remember, they were either persimmon red or white. I held one in my palm then a white butterfly came dropping by. I asked the guy, "if there are many flowers out here, how come there aren't plenty butterflies around?". He answered me, he told me something i couldn't remember. All i know is that he told me something. Then I stood up and looked around to see that we were standing in the middle of a field of flowers, colorful and bright, with hordes of white butterflies flying around us.

How can that be interpreted

Flowers : To see colorful flowers in your dream, signify kindness, compassion, gentleness, pleasure, beauty, and gain. It is also symbolic of perfection and spirituality. Your dream may be an expression of love, joy and happiness.

Butterflies : To see a butterfly in your dream, denotes your need to settle down. Butterflies signify creativity, romance, joy and spirituality. You may be experiencing a transformation into a new way of thinking. It is also a symbol of transformation. It also means rebirth after death.

does this mean that because of passion, love, and happiness, people tend to transform? though they may not be seen - ignored - thousands of transformations occur due to the strong passion and love that linger in our hearts, and because of the longing for happiness. I don't know, I can't be sure.

sources : http://www.wellsphere.com/brain-health-article/dream-symbols-4-the-butterfly/684997
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

Subscribe in a reader

Alarm Trouble

ALARM TROUBLE

Buzzed from all the practices, all the dancing, all the stretching, and all the lifts, I set the alarm on my phone to 4:00am tomorrow for my 6:30am Physical Education class. I guess two hours of preparation is enough - 15 minutes for eating, 20 minutes for showering, 25 for dressing up, and an hour for travelling. I would be arriving there 30 minutes early. I slipped my phone under my pillow as I tucked myself to sleep.

I was in an open field of wild tall grass. I found myself wearing my No Fear baseball cap and sporting a low ponytail. Moments later, I heard someone sneaking meters away from my right. I saw a shadow, seemingly of a man, slightly taller than me and has a broader shoulders than mine. Running around me in circles, it moved with such great speed. I glanced to my right as I felt a whisper of air and saw a ball flying straight towards me.

My cell phone rang, waking me from that weird - thrilling - dream. Or was it a nightmare? My eyes were still heavy, my hands idle, and the sky still dark. I didn't feel like getting up already so I snoozed my alarm, setting it to alarm again after 15 minutes.

Did I have a dream after that? I can't remember. All I know is that I fell asleep until my dogs downstairs started barking uncontrollably. There must be someone at the door, I thought. I quickly got up, ignoring my bushy fluffy hair standing on its ends, and went downstairs. No one's there. The dogs were just barking at some random cat strutting along the road. The houses were still dark, no lights were on yet. It was silent. I couldn't hear anything except for the ticking of the clock that read that it was already 7:00am. 7:00am?! That can't be, I thought. I must have overslept. I am going to miss my PE class. There's nothing I could do anymore but to accept the fact that no matter what I do - no matter how fast I will eat, if I will take a shower or not - I would still miss my PE class. I was an hour away from school, and no matter how quick I would act, I would still come in late. There's no point in trying. I sat on my bed and gave one heavy sigh. "That was one useful alarm"

Subscribe in a reader

Smitten

I sit on the polished wood of my armchair,

Waiting for our professor until he came;

His light radiant skin, his silky black hair I see,

He gave me a look, sat down, every day the same;

His shirt stretches fully,

With the beautiful curve of his back;

I gave him a look, a glare,

And there, my heart attacked;

My heart beats dug dug dug,

Like beats of an upbeat music;

While there he was,

so quiet and fantastic;

Everytime I walk with him,

My tongue holds back, don't know what to say;

I just go with the flow,

Say what I say and go his way;

When we part, finally,

My lips give in, forming a smile;

For I treasured every moment,
Even if it is even just for a while.

Subscribe in a reader

At the Crime Scene

I placed on my socks, and placed my feet in my Airmax Nike shoes. I grabbed my olive green messenger bag, placed it across my body and placed my navy blue Polo Sports handbag over my shoulder. I grabbed my keys on a rusty chain, opened the door, went out, and made sure that the padlock was securely locked before I go to school. I was minutes behind my usual schedule. I made it to the corner of L. Gonzales and Shaw Boulevard. I crossed the busy highway with ease, and I quickly called a jeep headed to Quiapo Echague. The jeep was already full, so I bulged myself in for a seat. I got off the jeep at the corner of V. Mapa and rode the LRT heading Katipunan. I plugged my earphones in my ears and listened to Brandy's R&B music, specifically her old albums. It took about 15 minutes to get to my destination. I got off and headed out of the station.

This was were all the action started. I found myself on the sidewalk filled with people walking unusually fast. They seemed to be in a hurry, but not less than in a hurry than I am. In front of me was a college student, seemingly a nursing student, with her all white uniform and bulky magenta bag. With her was a transparent cooler with a light green lid. She was carrying it on her left hand. It looked like it was heavy, even heavy for her to carry. Two guys, both wearing plain white T-shirt and one was wearing a baby blue baseball cap, intersected my path and walked behind the lady. The other one, the one without a cap, looked at me from head to toe. I remember that his eyes were fire. Fierce enough to raise my heartbeat. My heart began pounding fast, and I knew something was wrong. Knowing I was running late, I tried to walk on the road to overtake, but suddenly I lost control of my feet. My feet walked as fast as these two guys walked behind the lady. My heart pounded louder. I couldn't ignore it so I looked at them once more. I saw the other guy, slowly unzipping the front pocket of the lady's bag. I looked at him, stared at him and let my eyes do the talking. I was afraid that if I did anything, it would only lead to harming myself. The other guy might have a knife ready to stab me if ever I made a scene. But nonetheless, I only stared at them. Our eyes met. It was long before he realized that I knew what he was doing all along. He, along with his partner, walked back to the waiting shed without anything gained. I immediately took action by approaching the lady and reported what happened. I zipped her bag knowing she couldn't do it alone. I didn't want to bother her more so I decided to part ways with her. I made it to the Katipunan - UP Campus terminal and found a police officer. Thank God that I saw one. I approached him, not minding anymore if I would be late in my first class or not, and told everything I saw. He immediately went to where I pointed the crime was done.

My heart breathed a sigh of relief, and I felt good inside even though I knew that what I had done may also bring me to danger. What matters is that I did what I know was right.

Subscribe in a reader

Memory Lane: Trip to Saudi Arabia

I was riding on a jeep on my way home after a tiring day. I was sitting there in the crowded jeep, pressed in between the sweaty, sticky arms of those beside me. I didn't mind the pressure, the force, acting upon their arms, against me. I held on the rusty smelling metal bars as the road began to bump. I faced the windows to see the view of the busy world around me. I was watching the buildings and roads pass by me until I saw the street sign: 1st Street. The sign brings back a distant memory that stayed in my mind for years, a memory that rarely comes, a memory that I treasure.

Upon the sight of the sign, I was transferred to another dimension. I went out from reality to the realm of memories, my memories. I remember the streets of Al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia, that were named ordinally. I remember the jet black night sky contrasting with the beautifully sparkling stars scattered above. The night lights stood out from the darkness of the background. The buildings stood high and their roofs were cut flat. I remember the busy streets filled with the black-coated ladies, and the white-cloaked men with veils of crimson and white. I remember the streets filled with welcoming smiles on the faces of the friendly Filipinos on weekends. I remember hearing the gentle gush of the grass and the sweet melodies of the waves in beaches. The sun may be striking hot, but the moist winds that blow make up for the heat the day brings. I remember reeling a fishing pole and catching one to two fish at a time. I remember the beige sands and the sandstorms that would visit from time to time.

With that simple sign, my memories of my childhood and my hometown came flashing in front of my eyes. A single tear ran across my cheek. I wiped it clean and a gentle smile appeared on my face. Those memories will remain memories, and my hopes of reliving it is still with me.

Subscribe in a reader

June 29, 2010

The early part of the day was normal. Normal as in nothing-special-had-happened normal. I just got to my classes and did what I needed to do: listen; take down notes; and even talk about group works.

The morning had passed with nothing much to reveal, but my day got more interesting as the sun flew from 90 degrees from the horizon - afternoon. I had it all in my mind, i had everything planned. I placed a check list - imaginary - lying on my mind, giving me instructions on what to do next. I passed a photocopy of my Form 5 for the registration for our department varsity. Yes, i couldn't believe that i passed their standards to get through. I had it in my mind that college varsity was like a court filled with skilled players, and I can't believe that I got through.

Our next class was PE, located near Melchor Hall, the building where we were at that moment. It was about 15 minutes before the clock struck 2pm (PE time). We took the Toki jeep - it would take us farther than taking an Ikot route which would take us there in a couple of minutes - to go to the Gymnasium. Gymnasium, the most isolated place in UP. I'm exaggerating, but it's actually far from the common buildings in the campus. As we rode the jeep, the clock kept ticking. The clock didn't wait for anyone, even us. It kept ticking and ticking. Unnoticeable, the clock already hit 2pm and we're seconds late. It took us about a minute to get there and we took off, running with our hearts beating as fast as our legs would hit the ground. I just got in time, my name wasn't called but my friend, didn't make it. She was already late.

After an hour of exhaustion from all the dancing we did in PE, we rushed off to take care of some things. She got a xerox copy of their readings. After that, my day shifted into a solo flight of loneliness and boredom. I went to the Melchor hall, with high hopes of finding someone I could hang out with. I even sent text messages to my blockmates and friends who might be available at that time. Luck wasn't on my side. Everyone was busy. I literally failed. Along with my failure of finding someone, came the unchanging - the weird pattern of the weather. It would rain, then stop, then rain, then stop. It was a full cycle. But that didn't bother me. What was in my mind, I couldn't remember but all I knew was that I need to do something for like an hour. The training for the Engineering Varsity would start at 6pm, but we would rather go there at 5pm. Well it's better early than late. So I took a seat from the steps of the odd wing of Melchor Hall, near the main stairs. I sat there, doing nothing else except reading Hush Hush. Time finally flew by and it's finally time for Eng'g Varsity Training.

My heart was a blender, filled with mixed emotions. I was calm, confident to be exact. At the same time, I was really nervous. I met a few interesting people there. Interesting enough to make me not left out. I felt at home with their presence. I felt at ease. The training started. First came the jogging, then the warm-ups. After that, the drills. That's the most interesting part. The drills were extremely intense, that I didn't know at that time if I still have enough energy for more after all my energy was emptied during PE. I didn't stop. Nothing stopped me. I just continued on, fighting my crave of rest and tried to cope with everybody else. I would dive and let the concrete scratch the sides of my hips and even my legs. I would dive, exposing the once clean sheets of my jersey to the dust from our shoes left on the concrete. Everything was tiring, but it was FUN.

The clock struck 8pm, and I knew for the minute that my dad has been looking for me. I grabbed my cell phone, and yes. I was right. 1 missed call and a message. He asked me my location at the moment. I bid farewell to my new-found friends and headed home. Along the way of Katipunan Ave., I, with earphones stably stuck on my ears, walked past this lady. A lady wearing a duster, its color, I couldn't remember. She was standing there looking at the people passing by, carrying her child on her chest. The child lied on her mom's shoulder, eyes shut, deeply asleep. As I walked by, she was like "excuse me". But i kept on going. I didn't have time to look over my shoulder but I could hear her even with the earphones. I could hear her go "boy". She was calling me. My conscience was split by two. Two opposing forces. Two opposing side. I didn't know if what I did was wrong. I knew that she would for money. I would reply I have none. I would lie. But still, would the money that I would have given her, really help her? Would it really help her child? I didn't know. My mind was only focused on getting home..

Subscribe in a reader

June 28, 2010

No classes for me. No classes usually means a day filled with free time. For me, it's a NO. The day may be breezy but I am trapped within my little box compartment in the corner, isolated from the happy busy world outside. I'm only left with a table full of piles of paper on top - one pile for my readings, and another for my assignments.

As I were reading the busy crowded world of letters placed upon the thin pieces of paper I was holding, my eyes would roll at the sight of the strong contrast between the bold black letters from the clean, neat, whiteness of the material. But I endured every moment thoughts - strong stimuli of making me want to play, making me want to go out - coming inside my brain. I focused on reading and reading alone. Four pages of english essays, and about ten pages of readings for my Kasaysayan class have come past me in a blink of an eye - around 1 and a half hour after. I already finished reading everything but still questions still linger in my mind. The text. I hardly understood the text.

After the pressuring atmosphere from all the reading, I switched to studying for my future lessons in Math. I was still not able to adjust my study habits - in high school, everything was spoon-fed, and now, everything was so fast - and to cope with the fast flowing motion of my world. After an hour or two I finally decided to take a break.


I then sat in front of my computer, and played DOTA, my medicine. It's been a while since i've played but it kept me awake and made me recover from all the stress from reading. It's been a while, and yes, i SUCKED in DOTA, but that didn't stop me from joining pub games.

After a single game, i finally decided to read a part from my newly-bought novel, Hush Hush, and decided to read all the readings and the essays again for a better understanding.


Subscribe in a reader

COLLEGE.!

A leaf that I cherished for four long happy years had come to its end, folding, crumpling, and falling to the ground. But with its death, upon came a new leaf. A leaf that was strange to me at first - barely familiar. It was time to say hello to College life.

Stepping on the campus of UP Diliman, I found it hard to cope with stuff - it was hard to manage my time. I was living in the city of Mandaluyong, about an hour away from the university, and my first subject was at 7AM. I had four straight subjects on my schedule with only an hour break before my last one. What made it harder was that the buildings were far away from each other. Some were like 6-8 minutes away. So I had to walk, brisk walk to be exact, just to make it on time for my next subject. I also established the fact, that after this semester, I would be thinner that ever.

Being used to having sections in High School, I wasn't prepared enough for new faces coming and leaving after an hour-and-a-half subject. I meet new people, with barely a smile on their faces, with their smiles slightly turned upside down. I don't blame them. Walking from building to building is stressing already, and it can surely take away the smile left on your face. I almost feel left out - alone - in every subject I enter. I had no one to talk to, no friends yet. I was almost alone, barely talking to my seatmates, just talking to no one but myself. It only took much courage to know someone's name.

The size and the weight of the books I needed to buy, made me want to go outside the building and get some fresh air. Yes, they were large and deadly heavy. By just looking at it, I got my early nosebleeds. I started wondering if I had sufficient neurons running in my brain to supply me some room for learning. If yes, I would wonder if I could handle the weight of the subject. If not, I would wonder if jogging would be a nice idea to stimulate some new neurons for memory backup. Everything was vague, everything was terrifying.

It took me some time to cope with reality that THIS IS COLLEGE. No more High School, no more bells that signify the end of each period, no more Principals inspecting haircuts, and no more assemblies. After some time, i started liking college. With my new friends around, I can never be left out.

Subscribe in a reader

3am, the devil's hour

Driving my fingers against the keys of the keyboard, I find myself quite sleepy. My eyes felt as heavy as my head. They're slowly closing. I swept my hair with my hand and looked what time is it. It was already 11pm - the streets were all swallowed by the cloak of darkness. The light from the lamppost outside beamed through the linen pieces of my blue curtains, right behind my computer. Everyone's asleep, everyone's called it a day - well except me. I turned the computer off. I went out of my room and went downstairs. The metal edges of our staircase sang below my slippers. Every step was careful, careful enough to avoid waking anyone up. I reached the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Before going out, I took a final glance at myself at the mirror. My face was pale, my lips were red, and my eyes were half-closed. I went to my room and I threw my body into my bed, reaching out for my favorite pillow. I gripped it real hard while I prayed. Then I covered myself in a blanket. I closed my eyes, and it was like minutes, or so, far less than hour, when my eyes suddenly went open. I looked at the clock and it was 3am already. I suddenly felt lonely, my parents usually slept in the bed i am on now, and i usually slept on the cotton surface of my red sofa-bed. My parents were away at time - at the province. And i was left alone with my sister and her husband. I tried to close my eyes one last time as i lied down sidewards on my bed, until something out of the ordinary occurred. A lump of wind, cold as if the air-conditioner was left open, rolled from the ball of my foot, slowly rising to my shoulders. It tickled every single hair i have on my body, leaving them standing on end. 'It was just the electric fan' i thought to myself. Suddenly, i notice a shadow, a man perhaps, walk at the foot of my bed. Then i saw someone in front of me - i could barely see him, but all i see is that he was wearing a red checkered boxer shorts that rests above his knees. 'It's just my brother-in-law, just tripping around' i thought to myself. Then i suddenly felt a weight, a lot of weight, onto my side pressing me hard against the linen sheets, and the cotton layers of my bed. I couldn't see anything except for a shadow, a man, maybe, pressing his cheek against mine. I tried to keep my eyes open but they were fighting against the force of my tissues, of my muscles. I found it hard to keep them open.

'WHO ARE YOU' a voice beside me shouted, i could even feel his breath touch the little hairs on my cheek. His voice was light, a voice of man who seemed to be in his early twenties. I tried to answer but I was paralyzed. Unable to move a limb, my lips, and my head. I wanted to reply back but forces weren't on my side. I lied there, paralyzed. My heart pounded as fast as the beat of an uptempo hip-hop song.
'WHO ARE YOU' repeated the voice. He kept on repeating the same question. This time, i knew something was wrong, i kept on trying to move my right foot.. It took me about 20 minutes until i bolted my foot at thin air, hitting nothing at all. But the weight disappeared after. I took a breath of relief. My body felt warm, as warm as though I was in a sauna. My skin spitted out gallons of sweat, that poured down to my bed.

I know there was a ghost in the house, but i never knew that there was a male one. I asked my mom about this - whether if she has an idea on who that ghost may be. But all she could guess was it was my grandfather, my grandfather who i never knew, who never knew me, whom i never met. But the question is if he is my grandfather why would he ask me my name in an angry way? I've been exposed to quite a number of supernatural phenomenon in our house, but this was the first time it got aggressive. One question still lingers in my mind 'WHOSE GHOST IS THAT?'.


Subscribe in a reader

Difference between RICH AND POOR

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?  Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

personal message

i've been busy in school works that i forgot to give my blog some time. It's been so long since i've last made a blogpost (LOL). And uhmm, i deleted most of my poems for security reasons and left out the other ones.. anyways, welcome to my blog!

Subscribe in a reader

LOVE

What is love? Is it the act of kissing each other's  cherry lips or just hugging each other to death? For me, love is different. Love is giving to people without asking for something in return. Giving people from your heart because you know that they need or want it, is plain love. That is the material part of love. The other side of love is what I like to call "inner love" (I just made that up.) It is liking and caring for people for who they are amidst the differences and weaknesses one may see. Knowing them completely and setting what is good for them first counts as inner love. It is also the act of sharing your time with people whom you know you want to waste your time with - not because you are just forced to do so. To make it simple, inner love is loving them for who they are. If else, then what you are feeling is LUST.

Love is also different from INFATUATION. Infatuation is loving LOVE itself, not the other person. So I say to you lovers out there, what are you really feeling? LOVE? LUST? or just INFATUATION?

Subscribe in a reader

Alone

It was this one morning that I got to experience being alone with nature. I sat along the corners of the basketball court and read my book. I just realized just then that by being alone, I can be someone I did not experience being before. I just became more relaxed and calm. I enjoyed every moment - though my surroundings are noisy - I just looked at good ol' Nature. I enjoyed every whisper of the wind, every dance of the green healthy leaves, and the sweet songs sung by the birds. Every second that passed was like treasure given to me: I got the chance to reflect, to think, to expound my ideas, and to know myself a little bit more. I used to have my friends around me all the time, and I never realized that being alone could be this - FUN.

Subscribe in a reader

Brokenhearted

I was heartbroken, and I finally knew what it feels like. I felt this warmth, an internal boil, inside me. It was like I was guilty the whole time. I wish I didn't decide to love. It was a mistake I will never forget. I felt a shock, as sudden as the lightning hits the ground. It was like something wants to burst out from within me. I could not help but to cry my eyes out of tears. My eyes went dry, went red, and went sore. Everyone, teachers, students, no exceptions, EVERYONE noticed me. I used to hide my emotions, but this time, i failed to. Well I guess this is life. I just need to accept it.

Subscribe in a reader