Wanted

And Hunter Hayes sings

"I wanna make you feel better
Better than you fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted"

I wanna feel wanted, because no one
No on ever wanted me at all
I mess things up, i'm a failure
Everything with me has always hit the wall

This is me, this is who i am
This is me, this is DJ.
Be YOU they say.
But no one will like me that way.

I haven't felt wanted ever,
and listening to Hunter's song...
Makes me believe that I am wanted
I am wanted even in a song...

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The Boat

Ventured into the unknown,
my wooden craft
rampages
with the forces of the blue.
Cold,
dark.
I hang on the wooden ledge.
Silver crescents,
aquatic hills.
This unsteady lullaby
made me ill.

Shining silver
blinding light,
deafening
honk-
ing sound.
A big ship.
My craft, an ant.
Shinier,
promises more pleasant.
Another honk-
honk-
ing sound.
Tempting to go,
tempting to join
the steady lullaby
and better life.
No. Never
I will let go.

Ventured into the unknown.
Unsteady lullaby.
I'm sick.
At least I'm on a boat
that I have loved
and I have known.

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Anthill of Nurong

I stand amid the ocean of fellow ants who had waited long enough for the president's speech. My limbs had been sore from standing way too long just to hear his speech which they considered having no content at all. My ears had been crying from those "bullshit!" and "liar!" shouts of those ants who didn't even understand the speech at all.

I was not the only one suffering. The president stood there on that podium, sweating and trembling. He had been answering a lot of questions - well, practically just saying YES to every demand. This is an anthill where democracy had been taken advantage of, a place where the president is at the bottom of the food chain. Ants want this. Ants want that. And they surely get them. Helpful? I chose not to comment.

Two ants in uniform went in front, signalling the end of the president's speech and the open forum. Then came the oceans of grunts and rolling eyes as my fellow ants walked away. I followed him to our car, me in  the passenger seat, and the president, the backseat. I rested my head on the window and watched as we head our way to the white house. 

A big beige building, where the food our hunters found were stored, stood high. It stood high behind the mountain. Behind the mountain with twice its height. A mountain of garbage. Beside it, "No Throwing of Garbage." We stopped as ants, civilians, crossed the street in front of the "No Jaywalking" sign. We passed by this group of ants in uniform of blue and dirty badges. They were drinking. They were laughing with their mouths as big as their heads. And some had their heads down, sleeping. We did another stop as we picked the governor up in front of the "No Loading and Unloading" sign. He was wearing white, a cloth which was made of pineapple fibers. As soon as he had settled in, we continued our trip. We passed by some ants wearing white who walked around with their ant people. They walked with their heads high, pickpocketing every ant that walked by. Poor ants - not knowing they were being robbed. But the ants in white were, I guess, laughing: more money to stuff their already-thick wallets. This was the way of life in Nurong.

We finally arrived after an hour of travel. The white house wasn't necessarily all-white. It had its touches of persimmon too. The windows sparkled against the sun. The doors were all made of mahogany. In front of the mansion were shrubs about half-of-an-ant high formed in a semicircle. In the middle stood a very tall silver pole. The flag - white, yellow, blue and red - hanged in the middle. The president stepped out of the car, his face more determined than ever. He fixed his suit of yellow. Focused, he pulled the flag inch by inch upward. Inch by inch upward - until.

-- Until hordes of ants came running. They came running from every direction. They came running with their guns: rifles and pistols. They came shooting. They came shooting at the flag. The president didn't move. He stood there with his grip still steady on the rop. I tried to pull him away. The president didn't move. The ants came charging, heading for the other end of the rope. They took the flag down. A hundred against one, they pull the flag down. Inch by inch the flag went down. Inch by inch the ground shook. Inch by inch the flag went down. Inch by inch the whole anthil crumbled.

The anthill of Nurong. Disappeared. The curse of the Anthill of Nurong. The anthill where nothing was wrong. The anthill that destroyed itself. The anthill where nothing was wrong - but there is one thing. Democracy taken for granted. Democracy abused. Rules were just for fanciness. Rules. Fake rules. The anthill of No Wrong

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Without Me

I live to love and to make people laugh
But that part of me is not that treasured
At home i'm not missed nor have I been loved
Everyday that part of me is ruptured

What if my parents didn't do that act?
That I wasn't born nor exist at all?
What would change and what would still be intact?
Same faces and same smiles; no change at all.

The world will surely go on without me
No glitches, no bugs, no imperfections
Without me - without someone so ugly
And everyday is a celebration

I know without me is better for all
The world will surely be a better world
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The Winter Tree

I saw you there whimping, cold, and homeless
I opened my arms to you
You've placed your nest, laid your eggs
But you never looked at me did you?

Now the bark is old, my leaves have fallen
Glitters of white begin to fall
You've gathered your children and left me alone in the cold
Sigh. I did my purpose after all.

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How to be Safe on your Blind Dates

As people get attached to mobile phones and social networking sites, the process of courtship becomes different. People get acquaintances from Facebook, or through text messages. Then come the questions: What does s/he look like? Is s/he really the one in the picture? or IS HE A KILLER?

If it's your first time to go on a blind date, it's normal to get nervous. I'll teach you SAFETY tips :D

PREPARING FOR THE BLIND DATE
1. It's up to you if you want to dress to impress or if you want them to "like" you for dressing how you dress.

2. Gear up. Get some emergency supplies (e.g. Umbrella, Cell phone - a no brainer, etc.)

3. Self-defense? Well, I told you to bring an umbrella right?


MEETING YOUR BLIND DATE
Okay, in this section, we're gonna discuss on how to get rid of posers in an instant and to save yourself from a horrible date.

1. Of course there will be a rendezvous point - make sure you agreed to meet in a public place. DON'T go there at once. Go somewhere near - near enough to see the proximity of the rendezvous point. If you're thinking he's a psycho killer, LOOK FOR POSSIBLE ESCAPE ROUTES (do this wherever you guys go)

2. Tell him you're there. Or if he's already there, ask him/er what s/he is wearing. If he asks what you're wearing, then you can answer - you're not "there" anyway.

3. OBSERVE. Is he really the one in the picture?

IF NO. Ask yourself, DO YOU WANT HIM/ER TO BE HURT? or DO YOU WANT TO BE POLITE AND ENDURE A HORRIBLE DATE INSTEAD?
 - for the first one (which is my favorite) tell him this: "You're not my type, thanks for the time anyway."
 - for the second one, then go approach him/er.


NOTE: To be completely safe, BRING A FRIEND!

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My New Baby, Aiken

"I may be single, but at least I got a dog where I can pour all my love on" - Me (2013)

It was after watching The Adventures of Tintin on my laptop where I got the urge of getting myself a mini schnauzer. Why? Well, Snowy is hell cute!!! If you guys don't know who the heck Snowy is, well he's Tintin's mighty, smart doggy sidekick. I don't have time for storytelling, I guess I'll leave that as your homework *wink*. Anyway... Snowy:

I know, he's a wire fox terrier*fail, i know* but they look similar enough. I searched around on how much a mini schnauzer puppy costs, and found out that they costed at a range of 5,000 - 12,000 php. Well, the cheap ones can be found in Sulit.com.ph - that's where I got mine.

I'm thinking your next question is: WHERE DID YOU GET THE MONEY? I got a friend who helped me, I won't deny that. He lent me money and I promised to pay him back as soon as I get a summer job or a part-time job. Sweet huh? So we went on a deal with a seller online. He got his puppies for sale for 6,000php (one of the cheapest). So I bought it ^_^

Cute right? Btw, his name is Aiken. Wanted to change his name, but that's already printed on his papers. So Aiken it is. Aiken is a salt pepper mini schnauzer puppy that's turning 7 months this April 6. He was the most reserved and the most behaved among his siblings. Plus, he has the best fur. That's why I chose him. I want a dog, a companion, that fits my personality - or not. 

He's quiet, he's shy, and he's getting playful already. The problem was that his stools were usually wet to watery, and he would sometimes vomit at night. So I got worried. I took him to UP Diliman Vet Med (where I believe has the cheapest rates: I got 150php for consulation + 60php for fecalysis. If I did go somewhere else, that 210php would not even make it for a consultation fee) and the finding was that he was infected by parasites. *whew, glad I took him to a vet*. Then afterwards I have an exam, so I needed to find someone to leave Aiken with. But that plan failed. No one was available. Guess what I did? We got Aiken inside a large bag and ran inside Engineering building, and left him in KEM tambayan while I took the exam.WILD!!!! So there, I bought him the dewormerafterwards, and I'm gonna buy him his antibiotic and vitamins tomorrow.

Aiken had been my baby ever since he came into my life, and he would continue to be. Any dog lovers around? Feel free to contact me and let's try bonding, like taking our dogs out for a walk..

Aiken needs friends!! Contact me! 09277793039

Hahahaha!

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Not Alone

I have been financially challenged this past week due to a lot of things needed to be paid. I found myself almost bankrupt - that I had to borrow money from my fellow dancers so that I can survive for a few days (yeah, I did this).

One day, I was riding a jeep on my way to school. I found myself short - I needed 37 pesos for our club dinner, around 20 pesos for bus fare, and I am yet to have lunch - I got only 57 pesos. I was about to accept the fact that I won't be able to eat that day. Sad, I know. I needed food to sustain energy for dancing. But how can I? Considering the money I got left, the only choice would be I would eat lunch, and I'd tell the club that I would be paying tomorrow my dinner that night. Whew. Suddenly, my new-found friend texted me "Let's have lunch." I couldn't say no. My tummy would definitely punish me if I did. I went to meet him and was about to tell him that my budget is limited. But then, he treated me lunch. (how sweet right?) ^_^ An answered prayer in disguise. Then he waited for me until midnight to drive me home. <3 p="">

My lunch money for the next few days depended on our boarder's payment for his rent. Unfortunately, he didn't pay yet. I was planning on using some of the money to buy myself my costume for our upcoming concert. But how? Time's running out; I needed to buy those costumes. And I need to eat lunch. I texted a fellow dancer and friend "Girl, can I borrow money? At least 200?." and fortunately, she lent me money. Lunch for the next 2 days, solved. Costumes? I'm dead. My sister gave me 500 pesos for my 2-day lunch money, which by the way, I used to pay our costume for our finale. I still needed an acid wash jeans and a plain black polo. Here comes my friend again (let's call him HERO this time). He offered me to drive and accompany me in Greenhills the next day to buy the costumes which he would shoulder for the mean time. I promised him that I would pay him back. Problems, SOLVED!! 

The next day, we did go to Greenhills and went to Farmer's Plaza to buy me my costumes. Then he treated me breakfast and lunch. Then he drove me home again.

The next day, I was running out of money again, and guess what happened next! Hero treated me lunch out of the blue. He just texted me to come meet him as he would pay the tickets he bought from me. Then he just kept walking to his car, and I just followed. He told me that we would have lunch, at SM Marikina. We did have lunch, but not in SM though. We ended up eating in Banapple, which has great food by the way.

I just feel so blessed, that God, even though I've done so many things that I may not be proud of, is still there for me. He's still there to help me, to reach out for me. He's still there to make me feel that I am not alone in this ragged path that I am facing right now. He's there to show me that He walks with me in this journey even though I may ignore him a lot. I know I'm not worth it, but He just loves me so much. I love you God.

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Diamonds

Have you lived a normal life
And everything turns bad?
Have you experienced
Losing everything you had?

Like leaves of a tree
One by one they fall
When everything's gone
Who would you call?

You stand there, still bald
Are you still sturdy and tall?
When you cried,
Who answered your call?

When lumberjacks chop you
You think you lost it all
Who do you think would
Catch you on your fall?

When you finally fall
And hit it hard on the ground
Who is there
When no one's around?

When you think you lost
You know you are wrong
You're a new sprout
Made to grow strong

In our life
We are never alone
God is above
With love as strong as stone

He pounds us
Until we are refined
With beauty and strength
and wisdom defined

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DOWNFALL

My heart's buried deep
Deep down under the ashes
Ashes of my dreams

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Unloved

I'm a complicated puzzle
Each piece different color
I'm a map waiting to be explored
Half wonders half danger

I may not have the face
Nor the body you desire
I have my own ways
Secrets untranspired

I may seem fierce and strong
But inside I'm effete
My complications make loving me
Such an impossible feat

I'm an animal, wild
Waiting to be tamed
Waiting for someone to show
That love ain't a game

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TORPE

I really love you
You think I don't but I do
I guess it's too late

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Dying Memory

Her smile was from ear to ear that night
Her curly locks shined really bright
She bloomed with floral dress that night
Cerulean cloth with print that's white

Beside her was a man about her height
He wore an olive shirt that hugged his body tight
His skin wasn't too dark, wasn't too light
His smile was a bit sided to the right

Between them was a boy half their height
His skin was almost as light as white
His eyes - his black orbs sparkled so bright
His smile shouted "no problems in sight"

But then the look in his eyes changed
As no trace of joy remained
The smile on their faces was definitely gone
What has just begun?

The man and the woman's face got erased
As a stench of gloom my nose embraced
I looked upon the boy's face that I once knew
His face distorted, "who are you?"

He closed his eyes as he cried a tear
As flames of red and orange start to appear
The flames licked and devoured the sides
An endless memory was about to die

My parents are gone, they don't want me no more
They raised a child that just didn't care anymore
With a heart of stone, and soul of anger
I just turned my back on my mother and father

They're gone now so how can they know
I loved them truly but it just didn't show
But it's too late, I missed their train
But I hope it's not too late for me to heal the pain

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DANCE

On the stage again
It's time to dance my heart out
The spotlight's on me

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Stupid Me

I watched the world around me live
As I sit here still on my post
Still regretting that I've done
Something stupid with a great cost

Costed me the chance to love you
The chance to have you
Right now I wonder
Can we start anew?

My world was dark before
And now I'm just blinded
I let my emotions take over me
And now my heart is dead

I didn't mean to hurt you
Didn't mean to cause you pain
I learned my lesson the hard way
Now my heart won't beat again

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Puppet Master

Here's master again

Coming in with a grin

One move from his hand

One move from his finger

I get into a trance

Can't resist his order

I walk there, I go here

His laugh and his clap all I could hear

I tried to reach for him

He's too far away

He commanded with a grin

Must obey right away

I remembered I got strings

Both my heart and my limbs

My feelings wouldn't count

My feelings wouldn't count

He enjoys the show and the fact

that My feelings wouldn't count

And after the show

I lay here again

Waiting for tomorrow

To be played with again

A different master?

I don't care. They're all the same

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