Rain, Sex and Drug Abuse

30 July 2011

Today was my CWTS (Mil. Sci.) and the day of our first rappelling session ever. I got quite excited because I had been waiting for this day. Mil. Sci. (CWTS) is all about rappelling and our journey was just about to start. But, unfortunately, something outside the window burst my bubble of happiness - the sight of rain. And rain means rappelling would have to be cancelled. My brain got less active, and my body felt heavier. I didn't want to go to class anymore. But I just needed to. We are only allowed to have a maximum of three absences, and I already got absent once. I only got two more to spare, and spending it for a reason this shallow wasn't just worth it.

I got to the vanguard at exactly 9am for my class and found mostly everyone sitting in outside - and yes, it was still raining. It wasn't long before we went upstairs for our class. Okay here's when the FUN stuff begins. Guess what they decided to replace our rappelling session? A talk about Gender and Sexuality. *aims a gun at everyone who "yay"ed.* >_< Though I found the topic quite uninteresting, I thought I might survive listening just for a few hours. And before I knew it, it was finished. Whew.! But it didn't stop there. My suffering, I mean. The next talk was about Drug Abuse. T_T *aims a bazooka at everyone who cheers*. I couldn't stand the speaker. Even with his cheesy attempts to make us laugh, I just couldn't stand him. Though he, himself, was relevant to the topic. HE WAS THE MOST EFFECTIVE DEPRESSANT EVER!

When I got home, my day started to become better. ^_^ My Chinese boyfriend, Guang, was online! It had been weeks since we last had our chat. I understand him though. His new job is more tiring - he's 24 by the way and he's a Safety Engineer - and he gets less free time. I'm happy for him. At least he enjoys what he's doing now. We caught up with each other, told stories, and shared pictures. :) He's my inspiration right now, and he's the reason why I still have this smile on my face.

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day 2 of using baking soda :)

I've tried using the baking soda solution for 2 days already.
I've added 1 tbsp of baking soda a 240mL wash bottle and shook it till the sodium bicarbonate was fully dissolved.

In the shower, i made sure i've put enough baking soda solution all over my scalp then started massaging all over. I rinsed it with regular tap water, then applied conditioner (diluted honey for my first day).

So far SOOO GOOOD! :D some of my friends are already noticing the difference. From a stiff, frizzy, rebellious hair to a normal, cute(?), hair ^_^

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Experimenting with my hair

I've been searching all over the net of how to revive my hair CHEAPLY. I don't wanna go to a salon and spend money just for a chemical-full treatment on my hair.

Then one day, I got to this site: http://simplemom.net/how-to-clean-your-hair-without-shampoo/

This is the recent pic of my hair:

Sorry, I don't have any recent pics lately. ^_^ So as you can see, my hair is all frizzy and dry. Hopefully after this experiment, my hair will have a drastic change :)

PLANS:
- Buy baking soda
- My shampoo starting the next day: 1 1/2 tablespoon of baking soda solution
- My conditioner: 1 tablespoon of honey solution

Woot, i have my fingers crossed for this one ^_^

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Strolling Ethan Around Galleria

It was a rainy day, we were supposed to Megamall at around 10am, but unfortunately were delayed due to the rain.

 

And he's already excited! :D

Megamall was full packed. As in FULL. Cars were waiting in lines outside just to get parking space,. We didn't stand a chance of getting one so we headed to Robinsons Galleria.

Of course, my mom would go play Bingo, and we - my sister, my brother-in-law and I - would end up wandering around the mall, checking stuffs out.

First stop: SNACK!!
Twistix, it's a fried potato cut in a spiral form and is held together by a long stick. (Nice description, eh? o.O) [regular - 60php | large - 70php]. They also have a lot of flavors in stock.

Yum Yum!

Next Agenda: Find me some volleyball shoes.
We strolled along the sports section of the mall, to find some good bargains - shoes on sale. But they all ended up way above my budget, which is around 1k. (I know, I know, 1k was a low, bad budget, but that's what my mom gave me). Training shoes, running shoes, and tennis shoes all cost way above 1k - some of them ranging 2-5k, even some of them are on sale already. T_T Moving on, we found a good bargain deal in Happy Feet. Buy 1, get your 2nd pair of shoes FOR FREE. (A buy one take one promo! YAY!) The shoes there cost 1.7k and above which is still a good deal for the second pair is FREE! YAY for everything FREE! *giggles*

Next Stop: My dad. I gotta tell him about the shoes! Okay, we didn't buy the pairs of shoes YET. He just gave us some food money..

FOODUMS AGAIN!

Burger King FTW!! Didn't you know they are having an "AWESOME 4SOME" promo? Four of their meals will have an additional sundae or an apple pie for free! YAY!! Something FREE again! :D Two of them are the Whopper Jr. Meal, the BBQ Meal (I forgot the exact name). They cost 135php each meal. And it includes the burger (which is an OKAY for the size, fries, drinks, and Sundae/Apple Pie) Yipeeee! I ordered something different. One of BK Singles, BBQ Bacon Burger (140php: burger + drinks + fries)! Nom Nom! and Hershey's Pie (95php)! My dessert was so YUMMY!

After that, we went back and waited for my mom to finish playing Bingo. And at the end, the stores closed and I didn't get to buy me some shoes :( T_T Oh well.. *sighs*

NOTE: Today is the last day I get to spend time with my LONG hair :P

this is me, saying BYE HAIR!!

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Challenge #1

CHALLENGE!!

Okay, I'm just gonna do this cuz I've been just observing myself, and I hate the fact that I'm missing what life has to offer me cuz I'm just to shy to go out there and explore.. This time, I think I might have to change that.

Challenge: After this year, I need to be more outgoing. No more going into caves, no more sitting in the corners, and no more staying behind the fences. It's time to destroy the walls that has been hindering me. It's time to change outfits, it's time to change ME. well not the whole me.. just some part of me ;) After all, I still love myself.

Major Objectives
[ ] Meet more friends.
[ ] Socialize more
[ ] Be more active in events

well i guess that's basically the main point of this challenge..

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Enrollment Experience

Okay, I know, I know.. I'm not good with titles, but as it suggests, it's about my recent enrollment experience..

This was my schedule before the enrollment. You see the long break, the great white gap between subjects? That isn't my break time or anything. CRS, our online pre-enlistment module, wasn't kind enough to give me all the 16 units I need for the school's next semester. I was only granted 10 units (not counting my PE and CWTS). O.o

That was me, being kinda lucky. YES! I'm lucky enough to have 10 units granted. But my what I'm afraid of is.. WAITING IN LINE for a LOOOOOONG time.

June 7th Daylight

I set my three alarms to make sure I wake up. One at 5am, another at 5:30am and another one at 5:45am. My last alarm did the job.

I stood up, and grabbed some bread and made myself a cup of coffee. I took a bath while I let my coffee get cold. I needed to be fast. My goal: to be there before 8:30am. I got dressed - I wore my new shirt :> :> - and drank my coffee. It was already 7:20am. I really needed to go.

Good thing, it wasn't traffic on my to school that I got there at around 8:15am. Still plenty of time! :)

I got things prioritized. I still need two subjects: Chem 28/31 [5 units] and Physics 72 lab [1 unit]. Of course, I'd put Chemistry as my first priority. I went to PH1100 where the enlistment for chem subjects are taking place. There were a few people there, considering it was still minutes before 8:30am. Well it wasn't long before the enlistment started and I opted to look for available Chem 28 classes. Unfortunately, there were none.T_T I walked out of the room. But I just knew that I shouldn't go without getting anything. There were few people inside and I'm not letting the chance of enlisting me a chem class go away just like that. I knew I had to go back. I walked back in and chose to look for Chem 31 classes. Luckily there were a quite few with available slots left, but none would fit my schedule. Chem lec and lab came along with only one class together. I asked the person assigned for Chem 31 if she could separate the lec and lab to give me a chance of getting the subject. Luckily, she did. And I got me a Chem 31 class! YAY! <3

Next stop: Physics 72 lab. It was around 8:45am and I expected everything to get finished at around 12 noon. But no T_T. There was this tricoll thingy, something where people with courses within the colleges of CSSP, CAL, and CS were prioritized. DARN! I had to wait 'til 1pm till regular enlistment begins.

~~~~':':'~~~~~~~TIME SKIP!!~~~~~~~~':':'~~~~~

We were there, crowded like chickens inside the main entrance of the NIP building, waiting for the queue numbers to be given to us. She gave it away by student number! o.O O.o okay, what about the people who got there earlier with student numbers 2010-9****?! unfair huh?

She prioritized people with student numbers 2000-2009 which is okay with me, but when it came to our batch, it was just unfair! She called in the people with student numbers 2010-0****, then 2010-1****, then 2010-2****, then STOPPED! okay, I still could handle it.

After around an hour she came back then called in people with student numbers 2010-0**** AGAIN!!! then had to pause since there was no queue numbers left. DARN!

After quite a number of minutes she came back, called in the older students first then decided to continue calling students with student numbers 2010-3****. FINALLY! My student number was 2010-51393. Then soon, i finally got my own queue number. It was "8". The queue numbers were up to 190 and they were still serving i think 70 that time.. I just couldn't remember right. And this was the start of HELL for me.I waited till around 4pm til my number was called only to find out there were NO SLOTS LEFT!! /wrist!

I waited there for around 4 hours FOR NOTHING. T_T Anyway, this was my new schedule I got.

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Province Again Day 5 pt 2

 My four faces of boredom! LOL



SWIMMING!!

Today's Destination: Cora's Pool and Garden

Entrance:
[Day time] 50php Adult; 30php Children
[Night Swimming] (I forgot! LOL)
Cottages: 150/250php




I was expecting the place to be empty. But it isn't. A group of people are already there swimming amidst the greenish warm pool water. Yes, you read right: the water was green and warm. Hmm maybe because the sun was striking hot and that the water absorbed all the chlorophyll of the leaves that fell on it? Or maybe.. Ehem, I don't want to go there :)) Let's just put it that way: the water was green and warm.

 

Okay, time to describe the people we saw there. ^_^ >:)

Hmm, of course - it was already a default - the guys were tan. Well doesn't the tan of the body add appeal especially to guys? Hmm. Having a tan skin tone is like 2nd in my checklist ;) Okay, moving on. They seem to be party people, and drunk. Empty bottles of Red Horse were seen on top of their table. Well of course, we felt shy. But we had to ignore them - especially the staring-at-you part - to have fun.

It wasn't long before they all went POOF. We finally had the pool to ourselves. And as a tradition - well our family's tradition.. OKAY! MY tradition - we had to play TAG! FUN FUN FUN!

Well, this is me (the picture on the left) saying: I HAD FUN! And woot, i guess they did too ^ :)

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Province Again Day 5 pt 1

June 4th, Daylight..

My dad woke me up by my window as he shouted my name. It was noon already. I overslept.

The table was empty except for two burger buns with peanut butter in it. I guess it was left behind for me to eat by my dad. But what about lunch? I checked the pan - monggo beans. Luckily someone came over and brought three meat dishes - menudo and two dishes I couldn't name.

my mom combing my dog, Nala

Outside, at the back of our house, i found my newly bathed dogs, Nala and Puma ^_^ Aren't they cute?

My mom also informed me that they don't have any flees anymore so I can cuddle them anytime! YAY!

 

And they are still working on our new wall. I think they're doing a fast job. ^_^

Plans for later: SWIMMING!!! I'll make a post about it later. (_-.-)

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An Escape from Cyber World

Recently, I must admit I was quite addicted to computers. I let myself focus on the pixels my computer might offer me. At the same time, I turn away from all the beauty life may offer us. I sit there, caged from the vicinity of my computer area while life around me keeps blooming on, moving on while I was there, left behind in front of my computer.

Thanks to the recent happenings - most specifically going in the province - I learned how to enjoy life again. I once thought that happiness lies within the computer screen, because I once thought life outside the cyber world was boring and insignificant to me. But right now, I'm proving myself wrong. I also once thought that I couldn't survive without a computer. And again, I'm wrong.

Computers are quite beneficial indeed to us, for communication, education and for many more purposes. Yes, it is quite useful to know other people from all over the world, but isn't it more important to know the people NEAR us? It has been quite a while since I set foot outside our house just to sit there and watch the world go by, and probably meet new people or meet people I've never talked to for a very long time.

I won't explain further as I'll let you guys experience it at first person's point of view.. Right now, all I know is that it gave me something I'm missing for a very long time.

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Province Again Day 3

June 02, 2011

I woke up at around 8.45am, finding myself bathing in my sweat. There was no electricity. I tried to sleep it off, but my body just couldn't stand the heat. My head hurt and I just feel restless. I just need to get up, I thought.

With no electricity, I found myself going to one place to another. Laid down on the living room sofa, then went to the duyan outside, then sat on the tumba-tumba (rocking chair), then went back to lay down on my bed. I just couldn't handle the heat.

We finally decided on going swimming. I got excited. Only to find that it started drizzling. Swimming or bathing in the rain? Either of the two options sounded delightful - they were both refreshing.

Well, with every two separate roads, one must be chosen. We chose to bathe in the rain.

The rain started pouring in wildly. Large heavy drops of water fell down from the sky as hard as arrows coming down during the war. They were painful on the skin, like needles darted towards you. And then comes the freezing winds that roars wildly along the beat of the falling rain. One may consider this symphony but to my ears, they were definitely not. The rain was harsh, and the wind was cold. And my body was shaking as if I'm epileptic. We walked on the streets, walking by people - mostly guys strutting their tanned bodies, even some toned muscles, with their arms curled on their stomach. It was cold, and I know they, too, were freezing. Despite the coldness, it was still great. It was still great to experience bathing in the rain.

I then decided to wash all the rainwater from my skin, and change clothes. And here I am, finally with the electricity being back on, writing this once again boredom-inspired blog post. I know I'll be back writing more. ^_^
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Province Again Day 2

I woke up in the middle of the night - around 3am - and found myself almost unable to sleep again. The wind was chilly, and my electric fan was steady, faced at me. It was very cold. My pillows were thin, and I didn't have any blankets with me.

I finally had some sleep. I woke up at around 10am . I had my breakfast - bread buns with peanut butter - and it was quite unappetizing. I barely ate anything. It was getting hot and humid so I decided to take a shower and to apply hair treatment. After showering, I ate lunch.

I know, I know.. this post is getting BORING. ^_^ That's the reason why I'm even posting this - it's boring in here.

After the quite tasteless lunch we had, we went to SM Rosales. We watched Kung Fu Panda 2!! It totally rocked my day. The plot was fast paced and it had more action scenes in it than the first movie. I also found Baby Po sooooo cute! [darn, I want a pet baby panda right now] My mom went to do one of her guilty pleasures - bingo. And it was worth it - for her. She won a net total of 2.5k which was really cool, considering the prizes here were relatively low compared to the bingo places in the city.

After the tiring day at the mall, we decided to have a refill at Razon's in Urdaneta City. Razon's is known for their delicious Halo-Halo, but it was quite disappointing to find it unavailable. I ordered their palabok instead, along with some fries and toasted bread. Still, it was all worth it.

And now, I'm right here at home, writing this boring stuff to you guys. Haha I'm imagining you guys already imagining my boredom. ^_^ That's life.

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Province Again!

May 31, 2011

Went back to the province, Pangasinan. Hmm expectations: boring, boring, boring. Well I brought my monopoly board to avoid meeting that expectation. I want to end up having fun - somehow.

Arrived at around 4pm. So far, I found myself in front of a quite awkward view as I step out the car door. There were people taking a bath by our deep well. Well, that was one site you might want to erase from your memory. Haha I better get an appointment with Dr. Mierzwiak (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind).

Okay, skipping that part.. I got to play Monopoly! Yay! And of course, I still keep the crown. Winning four consecutive wins, ehem, makes me king of monopoly! LOL

Around 9pm, i went out to get some air. And I found myself amused by the number of twinkling stars on the black blanket above us, winking at me one by one. It's so different here in the province. So many stars, cool gentle breeze that brushes through my hair, and such amazing sites to see - not to mention the cute little ducklings wandering around our yard. Yes, I kinda didn't like going here, but right now, I'm enjoying every bit of it.


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Still Hope For Pasig River?

 Pasig River (Ilog Pasig), a river once known for its beauty and its fast current. But that was before. After World War II, the river was left abandoned, making some informal settlers to decide in settling there and some factories left behind dump their wastes in the river. Slowly, the river became polluted - now, just a stream of muddy water.

I am quite depressed to see the river - silent, dark and crowded with floating trash - as I ride the Pasig-Quiapo jeep everyday. The sight of it's greyish - nearly black - color makes me wonder "Is there still hope for Pasig River?"

As the government push through with their effort, throwing-trash-into-the-river thingy goes on and on without end. How would that clean Pasig River? It's just like filling a tank of water with holes underneath, making the rate of volume change small - nearly negligible. It's so sad to notice that Pasig River might not have a chance into getting its beauty back. Well anything's possible and I still see that tiny glimpse of light - tiny glimpse of hope. And that's what all matters



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Dreaming of Butterflies

While sleeping, our minds create images - illusions may I say. We were made to believe that we are in the world our mind has created us. We were bound in a movie, a show, our mind has created, but do they mean anything? Do dreams really portray or tell us something? Do they tell future events? The purpose of dreams are really ambiguous. However, dreams can be interpreted. But what does mine tell me? I don't know, but here's how my dream went.

I was walking with this guy, i barely remember how he looks like, how he stood, if he was my height or if he was taller, all i know that his skin was kind of pale. We were walking in a grassy plain when suddenly i found a bunch of flowers - as far as i could remember, they were either persimmon red or white. I held one in my palm then a white butterfly came dropping by. I asked the guy, "if there are many flowers out here, how come there aren't plenty butterflies around?". He answered me, he told me something i couldn't remember. All i know is that he told me something. Then I stood up and looked around to see that we were standing in the middle of a field of flowers, colorful and bright, with hordes of white butterflies flying around us.

How can that be interpreted

Flowers : To see colorful flowers in your dream, signify kindness, compassion, gentleness, pleasure, beauty, and gain. It is also symbolic of perfection and spirituality. Your dream may be an expression of love, joy and happiness.

Butterflies : To see a butterfly in your dream, denotes your need to settle down. Butterflies signify creativity, romance, joy and spirituality. You may be experiencing a transformation into a new way of thinking. It is also a symbol of transformation. It also means rebirth after death.

does this mean that because of passion, love, and happiness, people tend to transform? though they may not be seen - ignored - thousands of transformations occur due to the strong passion and love that linger in our hearts, and because of the longing for happiness. I don't know, I can't be sure.

sources : http://www.wellsphere.com/brain-health-article/dream-symbols-4-the-butterfly/684997
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

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Alarm Trouble

ALARM TROUBLE

Buzzed from all the practices, all the dancing, all the stretching, and all the lifts, I set the alarm on my phone to 4:00am tomorrow for my 6:30am Physical Education class. I guess two hours of preparation is enough - 15 minutes for eating, 20 minutes for showering, 25 for dressing up, and an hour for travelling. I would be arriving there 30 minutes early. I slipped my phone under my pillow as I tucked myself to sleep.

I was in an open field of wild tall grass. I found myself wearing my No Fear baseball cap and sporting a low ponytail. Moments later, I heard someone sneaking meters away from my right. I saw a shadow, seemingly of a man, slightly taller than me and has a broader shoulders than mine. Running around me in circles, it moved with such great speed. I glanced to my right as I felt a whisper of air and saw a ball flying straight towards me.

My cell phone rang, waking me from that weird - thrilling - dream. Or was it a nightmare? My eyes were still heavy, my hands idle, and the sky still dark. I didn't feel like getting up already so I snoozed my alarm, setting it to alarm again after 15 minutes.

Did I have a dream after that? I can't remember. All I know is that I fell asleep until my dogs downstairs started barking uncontrollably. There must be someone at the door, I thought. I quickly got up, ignoring my bushy fluffy hair standing on its ends, and went downstairs. No one's there. The dogs were just barking at some random cat strutting along the road. The houses were still dark, no lights were on yet. It was silent. I couldn't hear anything except for the ticking of the clock that read that it was already 7:00am. 7:00am?! That can't be, I thought. I must have overslept. I am going to miss my PE class. There's nothing I could do anymore but to accept the fact that no matter what I do - no matter how fast I will eat, if I will take a shower or not - I would still miss my PE class. I was an hour away from school, and no matter how quick I would act, I would still come in late. There's no point in trying. I sat on my bed and gave one heavy sigh. "That was one useful alarm"

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Smitten

I sit on the polished wood of my armchair,

Waiting for our professor until he came;

His light radiant skin, his silky black hair I see,

He gave me a look, sat down, every day the same;

His shirt stretches fully,

With the beautiful curve of his back;

I gave him a look, a glare,

And there, my heart attacked;

My heart beats dug dug dug,

Like beats of an upbeat music;

While there he was,

so quiet and fantastic;

Everytime I walk with him,

My tongue holds back, don't know what to say;

I just go with the flow,

Say what I say and go his way;

When we part, finally,

My lips give in, forming a smile;

For I treasured every moment,
Even if it is even just for a while.

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At the Crime Scene

I placed on my socks, and placed my feet in my Airmax Nike shoes. I grabbed my olive green messenger bag, placed it across my body and placed my navy blue Polo Sports handbag over my shoulder. I grabbed my keys on a rusty chain, opened the door, went out, and made sure that the padlock was securely locked before I go to school. I was minutes behind my usual schedule. I made it to the corner of L. Gonzales and Shaw Boulevard. I crossed the busy highway with ease, and I quickly called a jeep headed to Quiapo Echague. The jeep was already full, so I bulged myself in for a seat. I got off the jeep at the corner of V. Mapa and rode the LRT heading Katipunan. I plugged my earphones in my ears and listened to Brandy's R&B music, specifically her old albums. It took about 15 minutes to get to my destination. I got off and headed out of the station.

This was were all the action started. I found myself on the sidewalk filled with people walking unusually fast. They seemed to be in a hurry, but not less than in a hurry than I am. In front of me was a college student, seemingly a nursing student, with her all white uniform and bulky magenta bag. With her was a transparent cooler with a light green lid. She was carrying it on her left hand. It looked like it was heavy, even heavy for her to carry. Two guys, both wearing plain white T-shirt and one was wearing a baby blue baseball cap, intersected my path and walked behind the lady. The other one, the one without a cap, looked at me from head to toe. I remember that his eyes were fire. Fierce enough to raise my heartbeat. My heart began pounding fast, and I knew something was wrong. Knowing I was running late, I tried to walk on the road to overtake, but suddenly I lost control of my feet. My feet walked as fast as these two guys walked behind the lady. My heart pounded louder. I couldn't ignore it so I looked at them once more. I saw the other guy, slowly unzipping the front pocket of the lady's bag. I looked at him, stared at him and let my eyes do the talking. I was afraid that if I did anything, it would only lead to harming myself. The other guy might have a knife ready to stab me if ever I made a scene. But nonetheless, I only stared at them. Our eyes met. It was long before he realized that I knew what he was doing all along. He, along with his partner, walked back to the waiting shed without anything gained. I immediately took action by approaching the lady and reported what happened. I zipped her bag knowing she couldn't do it alone. I didn't want to bother her more so I decided to part ways with her. I made it to the Katipunan - UP Campus terminal and found a police officer. Thank God that I saw one. I approached him, not minding anymore if I would be late in my first class or not, and told everything I saw. He immediately went to where I pointed the crime was done.

My heart breathed a sigh of relief, and I felt good inside even though I knew that what I had done may also bring me to danger. What matters is that I did what I know was right.

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Memory Lane: Trip to Saudi Arabia

I was riding on a jeep on my way home after a tiring day. I was sitting there in the crowded jeep, pressed in between the sweaty, sticky arms of those beside me. I didn't mind the pressure, the force, acting upon their arms, against me. I held on the rusty smelling metal bars as the road began to bump. I faced the windows to see the view of the busy world around me. I was watching the buildings and roads pass by me until I saw the street sign: 1st Street. The sign brings back a distant memory that stayed in my mind for years, a memory that rarely comes, a memory that I treasure.

Upon the sight of the sign, I was transferred to another dimension. I went out from reality to the realm of memories, my memories. I remember the streets of Al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia, that were named ordinally. I remember the jet black night sky contrasting with the beautifully sparkling stars scattered above. The night lights stood out from the darkness of the background. The buildings stood high and their roofs were cut flat. I remember the busy streets filled with the black-coated ladies, and the white-cloaked men with veils of crimson and white. I remember the streets filled with welcoming smiles on the faces of the friendly Filipinos on weekends. I remember hearing the gentle gush of the grass and the sweet melodies of the waves in beaches. The sun may be striking hot, but the moist winds that blow make up for the heat the day brings. I remember reeling a fishing pole and catching one to two fish at a time. I remember the beige sands and the sandstorms that would visit from time to time.

With that simple sign, my memories of my childhood and my hometown came flashing in front of my eyes. A single tear ran across my cheek. I wiped it clean and a gentle smile appeared on my face. Those memories will remain memories, and my hopes of reliving it is still with me.

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June 29, 2010

The early part of the day was normal. Normal as in nothing-special-had-happened normal. I just got to my classes and did what I needed to do: listen; take down notes; and even talk about group works.

The morning had passed with nothing much to reveal, but my day got more interesting as the sun flew from 90 degrees from the horizon - afternoon. I had it all in my mind, i had everything planned. I placed a check list - imaginary - lying on my mind, giving me instructions on what to do next. I passed a photocopy of my Form 5 for the registration for our department varsity. Yes, i couldn't believe that i passed their standards to get through. I had it in my mind that college varsity was like a court filled with skilled players, and I can't believe that I got through.

Our next class was PE, located near Melchor Hall, the building where we were at that moment. It was about 15 minutes before the clock struck 2pm (PE time). We took the Toki jeep - it would take us farther than taking an Ikot route which would take us there in a couple of minutes - to go to the Gymnasium. Gymnasium, the most isolated place in UP. I'm exaggerating, but it's actually far from the common buildings in the campus. As we rode the jeep, the clock kept ticking. The clock didn't wait for anyone, even us. It kept ticking and ticking. Unnoticeable, the clock already hit 2pm and we're seconds late. It took us about a minute to get there and we took off, running with our hearts beating as fast as our legs would hit the ground. I just got in time, my name wasn't called but my friend, didn't make it. She was already late.

After an hour of exhaustion from all the dancing we did in PE, we rushed off to take care of some things. She got a xerox copy of their readings. After that, my day shifted into a solo flight of loneliness and boredom. I went to the Melchor hall, with high hopes of finding someone I could hang out with. I even sent text messages to my blockmates and friends who might be available at that time. Luck wasn't on my side. Everyone was busy. I literally failed. Along with my failure of finding someone, came the unchanging - the weird pattern of the weather. It would rain, then stop, then rain, then stop. It was a full cycle. But that didn't bother me. What was in my mind, I couldn't remember but all I knew was that I need to do something for like an hour. The training for the Engineering Varsity would start at 6pm, but we would rather go there at 5pm. Well it's better early than late. So I took a seat from the steps of the odd wing of Melchor Hall, near the main stairs. I sat there, doing nothing else except reading Hush Hush. Time finally flew by and it's finally time for Eng'g Varsity Training.

My heart was a blender, filled with mixed emotions. I was calm, confident to be exact. At the same time, I was really nervous. I met a few interesting people there. Interesting enough to make me not left out. I felt at home with their presence. I felt at ease. The training started. First came the jogging, then the warm-ups. After that, the drills. That's the most interesting part. The drills were extremely intense, that I didn't know at that time if I still have enough energy for more after all my energy was emptied during PE. I didn't stop. Nothing stopped me. I just continued on, fighting my crave of rest and tried to cope with everybody else. I would dive and let the concrete scratch the sides of my hips and even my legs. I would dive, exposing the once clean sheets of my jersey to the dust from our shoes left on the concrete. Everything was tiring, but it was FUN.

The clock struck 8pm, and I knew for the minute that my dad has been looking for me. I grabbed my cell phone, and yes. I was right. 1 missed call and a message. He asked me my location at the moment. I bid farewell to my new-found friends and headed home. Along the way of Katipunan Ave., I, with earphones stably stuck on my ears, walked past this lady. A lady wearing a duster, its color, I couldn't remember. She was standing there looking at the people passing by, carrying her child on her chest. The child lied on her mom's shoulder, eyes shut, deeply asleep. As I walked by, she was like "excuse me". But i kept on going. I didn't have time to look over my shoulder but I could hear her even with the earphones. I could hear her go "boy". She was calling me. My conscience was split by two. Two opposing forces. Two opposing side. I didn't know if what I did was wrong. I knew that she would for money. I would reply I have none. I would lie. But still, would the money that I would have given her, really help her? Would it really help her child? I didn't know. My mind was only focused on getting home..

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June 28, 2010

No classes for me. No classes usually means a day filled with free time. For me, it's a NO. The day may be breezy but I am trapped within my little box compartment in the corner, isolated from the happy busy world outside. I'm only left with a table full of piles of paper on top - one pile for my readings, and another for my assignments.

As I were reading the busy crowded world of letters placed upon the thin pieces of paper I was holding, my eyes would roll at the sight of the strong contrast between the bold black letters from the clean, neat, whiteness of the material. But I endured every moment thoughts - strong stimuli of making me want to play, making me want to go out - coming inside my brain. I focused on reading and reading alone. Four pages of english essays, and about ten pages of readings for my Kasaysayan class have come past me in a blink of an eye - around 1 and a half hour after. I already finished reading everything but still questions still linger in my mind. The text. I hardly understood the text.

After the pressuring atmosphere from all the reading, I switched to studying for my future lessons in Math. I was still not able to adjust my study habits - in high school, everything was spoon-fed, and now, everything was so fast - and to cope with the fast flowing motion of my world. After an hour or two I finally decided to take a break.


I then sat in front of my computer, and played DOTA, my medicine. It's been a while since i've played but it kept me awake and made me recover from all the stress from reading. It's been a while, and yes, i SUCKED in DOTA, but that didn't stop me from joining pub games.

After a single game, i finally decided to read a part from my newly-bought novel, Hush Hush, and decided to read all the readings and the essays again for a better understanding.


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COLLEGE.!

A leaf that I cherished for four long happy years had come to its end, folding, crumpling, and falling to the ground. But with its death, upon came a new leaf. A leaf that was strange to me at first - barely familiar. It was time to say hello to College life.

Stepping on the campus of UP Diliman, I found it hard to cope with stuff - it was hard to manage my time. I was living in the city of Mandaluyong, about an hour away from the university, and my first subject was at 7AM. I had four straight subjects on my schedule with only an hour break before my last one. What made it harder was that the buildings were far away from each other. Some were like 6-8 minutes away. So I had to walk, brisk walk to be exact, just to make it on time for my next subject. I also established the fact, that after this semester, I would be thinner that ever.

Being used to having sections in High School, I wasn't prepared enough for new faces coming and leaving after an hour-and-a-half subject. I meet new people, with barely a smile on their faces, with their smiles slightly turned upside down. I don't blame them. Walking from building to building is stressing already, and it can surely take away the smile left on your face. I almost feel left out - alone - in every subject I enter. I had no one to talk to, no friends yet. I was almost alone, barely talking to my seatmates, just talking to no one but myself. It only took much courage to know someone's name.

The size and the weight of the books I needed to buy, made me want to go outside the building and get some fresh air. Yes, they were large and deadly heavy. By just looking at it, I got my early nosebleeds. I started wondering if I had sufficient neurons running in my brain to supply me some room for learning. If yes, I would wonder if I could handle the weight of the subject. If not, I would wonder if jogging would be a nice idea to stimulate some new neurons for memory backup. Everything was vague, everything was terrifying.

It took me some time to cope with reality that THIS IS COLLEGE. No more High School, no more bells that signify the end of each period, no more Principals inspecting haircuts, and no more assemblies. After some time, i started liking college. With my new friends around, I can never be left out.

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3am, the devil's hour

Driving my fingers against the keys of the keyboard, I find myself quite sleepy. My eyes felt as heavy as my head. They're slowly closing. I swept my hair with my hand and looked what time is it. It was already 11pm - the streets were all swallowed by the cloak of darkness. The light from the lamppost outside beamed through the linen pieces of my blue curtains, right behind my computer. Everyone's asleep, everyone's called it a day - well except me. I turned the computer off. I went out of my room and went downstairs. The metal edges of our staircase sang below my slippers. Every step was careful, careful enough to avoid waking anyone up. I reached the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Before going out, I took a final glance at myself at the mirror. My face was pale, my lips were red, and my eyes were half-closed. I went to my room and I threw my body into my bed, reaching out for my favorite pillow. I gripped it real hard while I prayed. Then I covered myself in a blanket. I closed my eyes, and it was like minutes, or so, far less than hour, when my eyes suddenly went open. I looked at the clock and it was 3am already. I suddenly felt lonely, my parents usually slept in the bed i am on now, and i usually slept on the cotton surface of my red sofa-bed. My parents were away at time - at the province. And i was left alone with my sister and her husband. I tried to close my eyes one last time as i lied down sidewards on my bed, until something out of the ordinary occurred. A lump of wind, cold as if the air-conditioner was left open, rolled from the ball of my foot, slowly rising to my shoulders. It tickled every single hair i have on my body, leaving them standing on end. 'It was just the electric fan' i thought to myself. Suddenly, i notice a shadow, a man perhaps, walk at the foot of my bed. Then i saw someone in front of me - i could barely see him, but all i see is that he was wearing a red checkered boxer shorts that rests above his knees. 'It's just my brother-in-law, just tripping around' i thought to myself. Then i suddenly felt a weight, a lot of weight, onto my side pressing me hard against the linen sheets, and the cotton layers of my bed. I couldn't see anything except for a shadow, a man, maybe, pressing his cheek against mine. I tried to keep my eyes open but they were fighting against the force of my tissues, of my muscles. I found it hard to keep them open.

'WHO ARE YOU' a voice beside me shouted, i could even feel his breath touch the little hairs on my cheek. His voice was light, a voice of man who seemed to be in his early twenties. I tried to answer but I was paralyzed. Unable to move a limb, my lips, and my head. I wanted to reply back but forces weren't on my side. I lied there, paralyzed. My heart pounded as fast as the beat of an uptempo hip-hop song.
'WHO ARE YOU' repeated the voice. He kept on repeating the same question. This time, i knew something was wrong, i kept on trying to move my right foot.. It took me about 20 minutes until i bolted my foot at thin air, hitting nothing at all. But the weight disappeared after. I took a breath of relief. My body felt warm, as warm as though I was in a sauna. My skin spitted out gallons of sweat, that poured down to my bed.

I know there was a ghost in the house, but i never knew that there was a male one. I asked my mom about this - whether if she has an idea on who that ghost may be. But all she could guess was it was my grandfather, my grandfather who i never knew, who never knew me, whom i never met. But the question is if he is my grandfather why would he ask me my name in an angry way? I've been exposed to quite a number of supernatural phenomenon in our house, but this was the first time it got aggressive. One question still lingers in my mind 'WHOSE GHOST IS THAT?'.


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Difference between RICH AND POOR

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?  Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

personal message

i've been busy in school works that i forgot to give my blog some time. It's been so long since i've last made a blogpost (LOL). And uhmm, i deleted most of my poems for security reasons and left out the other ones.. anyways, welcome to my blog!

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LOVE

What is love? Is it the act of kissing each other's  cherry lips or just hugging each other to death? For me, love is different. Love is giving to people without asking for something in return. Giving people from your heart because you know that they need or want it, is plain love. That is the material part of love. The other side of love is what I like to call "inner love" (I just made that up.) It is liking and caring for people for who they are amidst the differences and weaknesses one may see. Knowing them completely and setting what is good for them first counts as inner love. It is also the act of sharing your time with people whom you know you want to waste your time with - not because you are just forced to do so. To make it simple, inner love is loving them for who they are. If else, then what you are feeling is LUST.

Love is also different from INFATUATION. Infatuation is loving LOVE itself, not the other person. So I say to you lovers out there, what are you really feeling? LOVE? LUST? or just INFATUATION?

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Alone

It was this one morning that I got to experience being alone with nature. I sat along the corners of the basketball court and read my book. I just realized just then that by being alone, I can be someone I did not experience being before. I just became more relaxed and calm. I enjoyed every moment - though my surroundings are noisy - I just looked at good ol' Nature. I enjoyed every whisper of the wind, every dance of the green healthy leaves, and the sweet songs sung by the birds. Every second that passed was like treasure given to me: I got the chance to reflect, to think, to expound my ideas, and to know myself a little bit more. I used to have my friends around me all the time, and I never realized that being alone could be this - FUN.

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Brokenhearted

I was heartbroken, and I finally knew what it feels like. I felt this warmth, an internal boil, inside me. It was like I was guilty the whole time. I wish I didn't decide to love. It was a mistake I will never forget. I felt a shock, as sudden as the lightning hits the ground. It was like something wants to burst out from within me. I could not help but to cry my eyes out of tears. My eyes went dry, went red, and went sore. Everyone, teachers, students, no exceptions, EVERYONE noticed me. I used to hide my emotions, but this time, i failed to. Well I guess this is life. I just need to accept it.

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Love, a hurt totally ignored..

Have you guys experienced liking or let's say loving someone even more than yourself but that someone won't even appreciate it? I mean come on, i don't demand that someone to love me back but at least to appreciate what I'm doing. How does it feel? How did you feel during that times?

I had my experiences and i know you had yours. But so far, all I can say is that generally having that kind of scenario, no one can feel happy about it.

Okay, sharing time. I had this experience with a guy whom I thought really loved me. He is cute, funny, chubby, and not that tall. We started as being friends and we suddenly formed a strong bond that later grew to love. It was like we were two far mountains joined together by a strong mighty bridge that I thought would never fall apart. I'll cut the story short. I was the first one to confess and he did too after that. So I fell deeply in love and he SAID he did too. So we started going out, and that's where the pains began.

During our dates, he never mentioned anything except for HIS GIRLS. Nothing more, nothing less. How would he expect me to feel,.? I'm only like number 5? Is that even fair,.? I didn't mind my crushes for him since then and that''s how he would repay me,.?! I totally ignored it for i know he's just airy., Then after that our relationship grew deeper, but i guess it was all a mirage, a dream turned nightmare. He mentioned all his love interests in his general text messages and it really included me.. You're right, i was like the 5th. It was really unfair, I put him 1st above anyone else including myself and i was only 5th for him. I ignored this again, and because of that, the pain really lingered long and hard. Everything i've done was made into a huge joke and every sacrifices were made into trash.

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