A Memory That Haunted Me

I've had a dream and it took me a while to realize what it was trying to tell me. I broke down into tears this morning and that's when I decided I should write it down into paper - well, into my blog.

My Dream:
I usually take the LRT going to school and going home. And this time, in my dream, the LRT had another station: Inside a mall. I don't know what mall it is as I don't even recognize it. All I know is that the train passes through the ground floor. I head to the mall to board the train when I saw HIM. He greeted me with a smile. Nothing changed about him, except for his hairline - a little bit higher now. But he's still his old self. I went to the ticket booth to get myself a ticket, and he accompanied me.

"Ate, isang V. Mapa po," V. Mapa. was the station I get off when I go home. The ticket vendor gave me TWO tickets, for a price of one. I didn't know why. I asked him, "Bakit dalawa?" I didn't get a reply. The train finally arrived. I stepped in and watched the doors close in front of me - between us. He couldn't get on the train because he didn't have a ticket. Then I realized that I had TWO. I had his ticket.

Realization:
There was this guy whom I fell in love with in my junior year in high school. After months of denial, I knew I finally learned to love him. He told me that he had a crush on me way before we got to meet. He even told me he followed my progress. We had this kind of best friend relationship in school to the point where he asked me "can you be my best friend?" It was kinda awkward that he even asked it. Well, I didn't know people ask someone to be his best friend. I could ask him to go somewhere with me, and he would say yes, almost always. Then about a month later, he and his girlfriend almost broke up. I asked him why. "dahil sayo," he replied. Even though I knew there was sarcasm in it, I knew I felt guilty. He showed me her text message. It was all about him not having time for her anymore or something like that. I realized that he would almost always say yes when I ask for his time. That's why I felt so guilty. Before the year ended he asked me if we could be "together," and I know that even though I loved him, I couldn't say yes. He had a girlfriend. And he had a girlfriend. I know for a fact that he would want a family in the future, and that he would be happier with his girlfriend. There's a lot of things that I couldn't offer that his girlfriend could. I had to say no. Even if it was painful, I knew I had to let him go. That maybe the symbolism of the two tickets. I could have given it to him, making him able to ride the train with me. But I was so numb and didn't. And now that I know that he might be leaving soon, and that we might never see each other again, makes it so painful remembering all of the happy moments we had together. And now, as tears are rolling down my cheek, I know that he would always have a place in my heart, even though he had moved on.

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Chapter One

The bell rang and the people started marching along the beige tiles of the corridor. Slowly their footsteps began to fill the whole hallway. I squeezed my way through to my locker where my best friend, Marcus, was waiting for me. He stood around seven feet tall, the tallest in Seaside High, in fact, the tallest in the neighborhood. We've been friends since his family moved in next door and I was practically part of his whole life since then. His hair would always come out a bit frizzy and messy, and his outfit's color combination would often clash. I loved him nonetheless.

"Someone's birthday is coming up," he started "what's the party plan?"

"It's a month away"

"A month, a day, what's the difference really?"

"A whole lot," I just closed my locker and grabbed my keys "So you want a ride home?"

"Can't we just do the old fashioned walking and maybe have some exercise?"

I looked at him. Maybe my eyebrows twitched a little.

"Well, we can go pass the park -" he continued.

"Oh yeah! The park, maybe we can go smell flowers too while we're there,"

"Time of the month?" he stared at me. Disappointed.

"I'm sorry. Exams," I sighed "stress, and some other stuff. Well, you know."

I parked the car in the garage and my mom just welcomed me with a warm smile. Her golden locks just fell an inch below her shoulders. A trait of hers that envied me. I was practically the girl with frizzy hair. Without some moose, my hair would come out a bird's nest. She was wearing her working clothes - a brown v-neck tee with sleeves that were a teeny bit too small, a black skirt that fell an inch below her knee, a blue apron, black doll shoes, and a name tag that read Lucy Cohen, Manager. She worked at Joe's, a restaurant. It's a couple of blocks away from our house. She was working late night shifts and would come home around midnight. I had been used to it. I only got to see her once a day - breakfast. 

"I might be home a little late tonight sweety," she said as she grabbed her coat, "would you be alright by yourself?"

"Mom, it's not like it's the first time you've worked that late,"

"I know, just wanted to make sure. Your birthday's just around the corner and maybe you want some help with the planning. Just you and me, mother-daughter bonding." She smiled "what do you say?"

"That's alright mom, Marcus and Ashlynn would be coming to help with that."

"Alright," her last words as she closed the door. 

The phone rang.

"Hello this is Cohen's Residence," I answered

"Hello Mina. It's Ashlynn," she started "I won't make it. Got something to do."

"Aww," I sighed "well it's okay. My birthday won't be here 'til a month anyway."

"Thanks, love you. Bye" She hang up.

I sprang to my bed and turned on the lamp, illuminating a picture frame just beside it. My mom, sporting a bob cut and wearing a pink blouse, carried me in her arms. Beside her was a man, about a foot taller than my mom. His ashen hair was swept to the side neatly. His face, a little ragged and unshaven. Still, he looked like a celebrity. That's my dad. I used to hold this picture before I sleep. I missed my father. He was now working abroad as an Engineer, and now, he's just someone who missed a lot of important events in my life. I loved him still.

My phone rang.

Hey Mina, my mom won't let me out. I'm caged. A text from Marcus.

I didn't reply. I threw my phone aside.

I changed into my pink pajamas and tossed myself into my bed. I lied down, looking outside the window, hugging my pillow very tight. I was alone. But why do I feel a little scared all of a sudden. I'm used to this. Lumina, you're used to this. But then, my heart began throbbing. A little too loud to keep me awake all night. To supress my fear, I tried to focus my attention on the moon as in dazzles brightly in the night sky. Then I noticed a shadow, growing bigger until it blocked the moonlight from my window. There was someone outside the house. I ran to the window to check who it was, but the shadow ran away. He was heading for the back door! I ran as fast as I could. I raced towards the back door. I locked it immediately. My heart was throbbing harder. Who was it? What does it want from us? A couple of seconds passed when it occured to me to look outside the window just beside me to check if he was there. No sign of him. The front door! The front door wasn't locked. I dashed my way to the front door but I slipped, slamming my chest against the ground. I tried to reach for the door. It was too late. The door opened. A figure stood there. He took a step forward. My insticts led me to him, charging against him, but he got hold of my arms. I closed my eyes and screamed.

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