My Dream:
I usually take the LRT going to school and going home. And this time, in my dream, the LRT had another station: Inside a mall. I don't know what mall it is as I don't even recognize it. All I know is that the train passes through the ground floor. I head to the mall to board the train when I saw HIM. He greeted me with a smile. Nothing changed about him, except for his hairline - a little bit higher now. But he's still his old self. I went to the ticket booth to get myself a ticket, and he accompanied me.
"Ate, isang V. Mapa po," V. Mapa. was the station I get off when I go home. The ticket vendor gave me TWO tickets, for a price of one. I didn't know why. I asked him, "Bakit dalawa?" I didn't get a reply. The train finally arrived. I stepped in and watched the doors close in front of me - between us. He couldn't get on the train because he didn't have a ticket. Then I realized that I had TWO. I had his ticket.
Realization:
There was this guy whom I fell in love with in my junior year in high school. After months of denial, I knew I finally learned to love him. He told me that he had a crush on me way before we got to meet. He even told me he followed my progress. We had this kind of best friend relationship in school to the point where he asked me "can you be my best friend?" It was kinda awkward that he even asked it. Well, I didn't know people ask someone to be his best friend. I could ask him to go somewhere with me, and he would say yes, almost always. Then about a month later, he and his girlfriend almost broke up. I asked him why. "dahil sayo," he replied. Even though I knew there was sarcasm in it, I knew I felt guilty. He showed me her text message. It was all about him not having time for her anymore or something like that. I realized that he would almost always say yes when I ask for his time. That's why I felt so guilty. Before the year ended he asked me if we could be "together," and I know that even though I loved him, I couldn't say yes. He had a girlfriend. And he had a girlfriend. I know for a fact that he would want a family in the future, and that he would be happier with his girlfriend. There's a lot of things that I couldn't offer that his girlfriend could. I had to say no. Even if it was painful, I knew I had to let him go. That maybe the symbolism of the two tickets. I could have given it to him, making him able to ride the train with me. But I was so numb and didn't. And now that I know that he might be leaving soon, and that we might never see each other again, makes it so painful remembering all of the happy moments we had together. And now, as tears are rolling down my cheek, I know that he would always have a place in my heart, even though he had moved on.
Subscribe in a reader
No comments:
Post a Comment